How to survive the rollercoaster of trying to make a baby

1 November 2018

Falling pregnant doesn’t always happen as easily or quickly as we might expect.

In fact, it can be a rollercoaster of high hopes and deep disappointments – for years on end.

Struggling to conceive is common, with one in six couples experiencing fertility problems (source: IVF Australia). So if you’re having trouble getting pregnant, you’re definitely not alone.

With so much emphasis on the female partner’s physical state during this time, many couples overlook their emotional wellbeing. By implementing some of the following tips, we hope you can both begin to achieve more balance and contentment during this challenging ride.

  1. Acknowledge your emotions

From frustration and envy to anger and shame, it’s normal to experience a wide range of emotions when you’re trying to conceive.

What matters, however, is that you acknowledge these feelings rather than denying or suppressing them. Because when we hold onto our emotions, we can never release them – or move forward.

Try setting aside time every day, say 20 minutes, to have a good cry or scream into a pillow.

This will ensure you don’t wallow in your emotions throughout the day.

  1. Talk to others

Struggling to fall pregnant can feel like an isolating experience. But support is definitely out there.

A helpful way to feel less alone is to chat with other people facing similar challenges.

In Australia, we have a range of wonderful support networks, services and online forums including:

Online forums can be an invaluable place to find support, ask questions and share your feelings. They can also give you reassurance that you are not alone… as many people take longer to conceive than expected.

However, if you’re looking for something more, you may also consider seeing a psychologist.

  1. Take a break

From analysing your cycle and timing intercourse to reading books and blogs on conception, trying to have a baby can occupy your mind 24/7.

That’s why it’s crucial that you regularly take a step out of the fertility world.

Although finding support and community is important, be mindful of how much time you’re spending focusing on this issue. And if you find that any particular social media pages, forums or websites are making you feel worse rather than better, take a break.

It’s hard, we know. So just be aware of your habits – and monitor how certain activities make you feel.

  1. Find constructive distractions

A smart way to occupy yourself when your mind is flooded with thoughts and fears, is to focus on other things. This could be:

  • Planning a holiday
  • Seeing friends
  • Getting fit
  • Taking on a fun DIY or creative project

Make a list of all the things you love and prioritise those that are harder to enjoy with a little bub. Although it’s not a direct solution to your pain, it will help add some relief to your life when you need it most.

  1. Practice mindfulness

Struggling to conceive can be a stressful time for you and your partner. That’s why you need tools – such as mindfulness – to help you cope.

To get started, check out these mindfulness apps and resources:

  1. Chat to a professional

Fertility issues can create feelings of anger, jealousy, denial and shame. And it’s all normal.

However, if you find yourself losing sleep or feeling constantly anxious, then it’s important that you speak to a doctor. They can refer you to a mental health professional who can offer practical tools to help you find stability during this challenging period.

If you need support, Positive Psychology is here to help care for your wellbeing. Call us on 1300 995 636 today.