The isolated elderly
If you know someone living alone or in aged care, how do you check in with them beyond ‘are you okay?’.
As a starting point, try asking about the positives of their situation. Is there something good that’s happened to them in the past week or a fond memory they can recall?
There is significant research suggesting that this line of conversation results in positive affect. In other words, it can help lift people out of loneliness and isolation.
Here are some other strategies you can try too:
TOP TIP: It’s not particularly useful to demote your loved one’s feelings by telling them, ‘Yes, this situation is lonely, but everyone’s feeling the same’. This may ‘deny’ their emotions.
Parents juggling work and home-schooling
Many parents are at the end of their tether. The home-schooling gig has been going on for a while now, and often, they’re feeling like it’s all a bit too much.
So, what do you say when reaching out?
TOP TIP: Remind yourself to continue to check in regularly. We all know that some days can be harder than others and emotions are inclined to fluctuate from one day to the next.
Parents juggling work and home-schooling
It’s no secret: kids are pretty candid in their emotions – which can be useful for identifying when they’re not coping so well.
Here are some strategies when talking to kids who are still developing their emotional intelligence:
TOP TIP: Currently, kids’ social bubbles are limited to their household. So another technique can be suggesting to speak to someone else they trust, like an aunty, uncle or even friends’ parents.
People who have lost their jobs
Job loss resulting from the pandemic is an incredibly stressful experience. It can cause financial anguish and a loss of identity, structure and purpose.
So when speaking with people in this situation, understand that they’re likely feeling a mixed bag of emotions – sadness, worry, blame and hopelessness are common.
Here, sensitivity and kindness are key.
TOP TIP: Try to practise active listening (rather than fixing or solving their problems). To help, pose, ‘What do you need?’ questions.
Framing is important here. Asking, ‘What do you need?’ is different from saying, ‘Do you need x’ or, ‘Can I help you with y?’. While your intentions are good, you’re not in their situation and so can’t fully understand their thinking. So when you suggest something you think they need, you’re making an assumption.
People separated from their family
Overseas, interstate, or even outside Victoria’s 5km radius of movement. Wherever someone’s family is, if they’re not nearby, this can put all sorts of strain on emotions.
So what if you notice someone is having trouble coping without their family near?
TOP TIP: Consider that without family nearby, they’re essentially missing close connections. So ask them if they’d like to join a community or group who can offer that. For some, this might be an online book club. For others, it’s a religious group. Turn to your own network and see what you can share with them or invite them to.
Then introduce them to others within this group. They might end up forging valuable connections – which means more links they can rely on and open up to.
With the help of Clarissa Wijaya, we hope you’re feeling more confident about starting the conversation with those struggling because of coronavirus. Remember, you don’t just need an event like R U OK?Day as an invitation to check in. Regularly touch base with the people in your network – and follow up with anyone who may be particularly struggling.